this weekend was "Discovery Weekend" for GoNow missions.  i went to take part on the servent team.  i got to do all the behind the scenes kind of things which when i went to "Discovery Weekend" in the past as a studnent misisonary applicant i never realized had to be done.  it was a great experience.  it was a little odd for me as i was filing and doing computer stuff in the office of the person who got the job that i applied and interviewed for last may.

it just got me thinking how different my life would be had i gotten that job, how many people i wouldn't know, how i would know some of the same people as i do know but only through their applications, how i would be in such a different state...it's so strange.  i also started thinking how much i want to go....i want another opportunity to go.  i know that i am on mission here and its not about the place, that missions is not a place but a lifestyle.  but i just started thinking about how i don't want to continue wasting my life...and i feel as i have been these past 6 and half months.  and how i gave up my last opportunity last summer to do GoNow missions.  that i truly should have done an impact team.  i knew last year that i couldn't do the whole summer, that i needed to find a job but i look back and i realized that i could have given two weeks....i should have given two weeks. 

so thats where i am right now...feeling this urgancy inside to go, this desire, this passion that i need to do something, do more, do everything that i can.  brenda shared this story about a monk who was asked to water this stick that was placed in the ground everyday.  the only thing was that the nearest water was a half days walk there and a half days walk back.  this faithful monk did just that, he watered this stick everyday and eventually it grew into an apple tree.  the story continues from there but what stuck out to me was the willingness of the this monk, the determination to do all that he could.  for months he watered this stick without seeing any fruit from his labor but he continued anyway.  i want to be like that.  i know i am here for a reason but the thought of next june when i am done here at the school and just finding a job is so dissatisfying.  i don't want to just do that...i feel as if there is more that i can do, there is more that i need to do. 

those are my thoughts....make of them whatever you may.